I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
