eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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