i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
