She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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