We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
