The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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