Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
