It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
