omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
