I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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