So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
