So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
