sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
