I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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