We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
