I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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