i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
