I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
