He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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