The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
