That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
