I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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