I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
