Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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