i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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