FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
