Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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