I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
