I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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