my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
