ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
