you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
