Do you still have your period?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
