I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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