Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
