FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She bit a glass in half.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
