Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
