we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
