i just sent this text using only my big toe
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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