So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
