you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
