I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
