At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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