I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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