i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
