is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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