Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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