im having a threesome with these popsicles
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
