so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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