i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
