after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
