White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
