Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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