i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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